Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

I can say, honestly and gleefully, "My husband is NOT the man I married!"

Today he called to say, "Hey! I got off work early today and just went to the bank. Now I'm going home to mow the lawn, but there's a big Red Cross trailer parked next to the bank. Do you want me to go donate blood?"

Of course, I said, "Yes! Absolutely!"

So he donated blood today for the first time. Spontaneously. Out of the blue. Just because it's the right thing to do.

He's been doing a lot of that lately. He's becoming quite the spokesperson for environmentalism and animal rights. He's donating to charity. He's giving blood.

I not only love the man my husband is becoming, I really LIKE him, too!

The Burden of Communication

I think I've mentioned in the past that my husband is not originally from the United States. One of the biggest cultural differences that affect our marriages is communication. Obviously, communication is essential to a marriage!

In America, we put the burden of communication on the speaker -- it is the speaker's role to communicate his or her point well. If the audience doesn't understand, it is the speaker's job to communicate the point differently/better. In my husband's country, good communication is the burden of the listener. If you don't understand, it's your job to figure out what the speaker was trying to convey. (My obnoxious American attitude is to say, "Yeah, and how do I do that without making the speaker explain it better?!") Incidentally, these cultural differences are not just my opinion and observation, but supported by Malcolm Gladwell in his fascinating book, Blink.

Anyway, I read a quote about communication many, many weeks ago that I can't stop pondering:

"Human nature is such that if two people listen, each feels only half responsible for understanding, and if ten people are listening each feels responsible to be but one tenth." Yasutani Roshi, The Lectures from The Three Pillars of Zen.

HMMM. If that's true (and I feel it is based on careful observation), what does that say for any lecture, sermon, homily, class, etc.?

Book Giveaway Winners!

Congratulations go to our winners of the book giveaway drawings:

Reeva of Fort Washington, MD, won the For Couples Only book set by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn.

Trudi of Foley, AL, will receive I Do Again by Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs.

Pam from Urbana, IL, and Dana from Savannah, GA, each won a copy of Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus.

Lisa of Odessa, TX, will receive The Love as a Way of Life Devotional by Gary Chapman.

Please check in on Monday for another book review and the start of another week-long giveaway!

Book Giveaways -- Reminder

Friday, February 13th, I am giving away two copies of Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, as well as one copy of each of the following books: The Love as a Way of Life Devotional by Gary Chapman, For Couples Only book set by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, and I Do Again by Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs. If you would like to enter to win a copy of any of these books, please e-mail your name and mailing address to seewhykinsman@gmail.com. Please specify the title of the book you are entering to win or just tell me "any of the four" and I'll enter your name in all the drawings. If you tell me your favorite trait about your spouse or significant other, I will enter your name twice in the drawing(s) you request to increase your chances of winning. Good luck!

Let's Talk About S*X

Yesterday I reviewed several books about relationships, but no such discussion would be complete without talking about sex. Intimate Issues, 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex, by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, is a book about God's intentions for your sex life. "What do you mean? God cares about my sex life?" You betcha. Not only does He care, but He created sex as part of His gift to you and your spouse; He intended for it to be a crucial part of marriage.

I have often gotten on my soapbox about believers who become too religious for their own good. By that I mean they worry about their image to the point that they stop being real and authentic. They're so busy being a "good Christian" they hide behind a facade which is far different from the human being underneath the mask. As a result, they shy away from honest conversations about how they feel, what they think, their struggles in following Yeshua (Jesus), asking honest questions about God, etc. When you add to that the taboo subject of sexual relations, every Christ-follower feels completely alone on topics related to intimacy.

Intimate Issues is a great book to address all the questions you were afraid to ask or, in my case, all the questions you didn't even know to ask! When I started to read this book, I was a little irritated. I thought, "Why did I agree to review this book? I don't need to read this. I have an extremely open and healthy attitude about sex. I know God intended for us to enjoy sex within the union of marriage." Then I came to the subject of forgiveness for past sexual sins. Wow. I had no idea the condemnation I felt for things I did before I became a believer. I had asked God to forgive all my sins; I thought I'd forgiven myself. Boy, was I wrong! This book is leading me to freedom in that regard (I say "leading" as opposed to "led" because for many women, it's a process.)

It's true that the world is too permissive when it comes to sex, but it's also true that most in the church are too repressed, rejecting God's gift of marital intimacy and the important role it was intended to play in marriage. Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus gives the reader an opportunity to have honest conversations about sex in a God-centered environment. It's like talking to your two best Christian friends about the topics you may not be comfortable discussing face-to-face. In addition to talking about what God intended for the marriage bed, difficult subjects are covered such as healing from sexual abuse, what to do when your husband's sex drive is low, dealing with impotency, recovering from guilt of a past abortion, pornography, and other tough topics. This book is a great resource, one I dare say any married woman should read!

Below is the summary from the publisher and information on how to enter to win a free copy of this book:

Intimate Issues answers the twenty-one questions about sex most frequently asked by Christian wives, as determined by a nationwide poll of over one thousand women. Written from the perspective of two mature Christian wives and Bible teachers-women who you'll come to know as teachers and friends-Intimate Issues is biblical and informative: sometimes humorous, other times practical, but always honest. Through its solid teaching warm testimonials, scriptural insights, and experts' advice, you'll find resolution for your questions and fears, surprising insights about God's perspective on sex, and a variety of practical and creative ideas for enhancing your physical relationship with the husband you love.

With warmth and wisdom, authors Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus speak woman to woman: examining the teachings of Scripture, exposing the lies of the world, and offering real hope that every woman's marriage relationship can become all it was intended to be in God's design.

This book is available at www.amazon.com and other book retailers. I have TWO copies to give away. If you would like to enter to win a copy, please e-mail your name and mailing address to seewhykinsman@gmail.com. Please specify you are entering to win Intimate Issues . I am also giving away one copy each of the following books: The Love as a Way of Life Devotional by Gary Chapman, For Couples Only book set by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, and I Do Again by Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs. You can request your name be placed in the drawing to win any of these books and, if you tell me your favorite trait about your spouse, I will enter your name twice in the drawing(s) you request to increase your chances of winning. All winners will be drawn on Friday, February 13th! Good luck!

Let's Talk About S*X

Yesterday I reviewed several books about relationships, but no such discussion would be complete without talking about sex. Intimate Issues, 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex, by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, is a book about God's intentions for your sex life. "What do you mean? God cares about my sex life?" You betcha. Not only does He care, but He created sex as part of His gift to you and your spouse; He intended for it to be a crucial part of marriage.

I have often gotten on my soapbox about believers who become too religious for their own good. By that I mean they worry about their image to the point that they stop being real and authentic. They're so busy being a "good Christian" they hide behind a facade which is far different from the human being underneath the mask. As a result, they shy away from honest conversations about how they feel, what they think, their struggles in following Yeshua (Jesus), asking honest questions about God, etc. When you add to that the taboo subject of sexual relations, every Christ-follower feels completely alone on topics related to intimacy.

Intimate Issues is a great book to address all the questions you were afraid to ask or, in my case, all the questions you didn't even know to ask! When I started to read this book, I was a little irritated. I thought, "Why did I agree to review this book? I don't need to read this. I have an extremely open and healthy attitude about sex. I know God intended for us to enjoy sex within the union of marriage." Then I came to the subject of forgiveness for past sexual sins. Wow. I had no idea the condemnation I felt for things I did before I became a believer. I had asked God to forgive all my sins; I thought I'd forgiven myself. Boy, was I wrong! This book is leading me to freedom in that regard (I say "leading" as opposed to "led" because for many women, it's a process.)

It's true that the world is too permissive when it comes to sex, but it's also true that most in the church are too repressed, rejecting God's gift of marital intimacy and the important role it was intended to play in marriage. Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus gives the reader an opportunity to have honest conversations about sex in a God-centered environment. It's like talking to your two best Christian friends about the topics you may not be comfortable discussing face-to-face. In addition to talking about what God intended for the marriage bed, difficult subjects are covered such as healing from sexual abuse, what to do when your husband's sex drive is low, dealing with impotency, recovering from guilt of a past abortion, pornography, and other tough topics. This book is a great resource, one I dare say any married woman should read!

Below is the summary from the publisher and information on how to enter to win a free copy of this book:

Intimate Issues answers the twenty-one questions about sex most frequently asked by Christian wives, as determined by a nationwide poll of over one thousand women. Written from the perspective of two mature Christian wives and Bible teachers-women who you'll come to know as teachers and friends-Intimate Issues is biblical and informative: sometimes humorous, other times practical, but always honest. Through its solid teaching warm testimonials, scriptural insights, and experts' advice, you'll find resolution for your questions and fears, surprising insights about God's perspective on sex, and a variety of practical and creative ideas for enhancing your physical relationship with the husband you love.

With warmth and wisdom, authors Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus speak woman to woman: examining the teachings of Scripture, exposing the lies of the world, and offering real hope that every woman's marriage relationship can become all it was intended to be in God's design.

This book is available at www.amazon.com and other book retailers. I have TWO copies to give away. If you would like to enter to win a copy, please e-mail your name and mailing address to seewhykinsman@gmail.com. Please specify you are entering to win Intimate Issues . I am also giving away one copy each of the following books: The Love as a Way of Life Devotional by Gary Chapman, For Couples Only book set by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, and I Do Again by Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs. You can request your name be placed in the drawing to win any of these books and, if you tell me your favorite trait about your spouse, I will enter your name twice in the drawing(s) you request to increase your chances of winning. All winners will be drawn on Friday, February 13th! Good luck!

Love is in the Air

Love is in the air! I have three books to review today and have one copy of each to give away. To enter the drawing to win, please e-mail your name and mailing address to seewhykinsman@gmail.com. Please specify the book you would like to win. Of course, you can request your name be placed in the drawing to win one, two or all three of the books. If you tell me your favorite trait about your spouse, I will enter your name twice in the drawing(s) you request to increase your chances of winning. Also, check back tomorrow for ANOTHER book review and giveaway! All winners will be drawn on Friday, February 13th! Good luck!


My longtime readers may recall last summer I reviewed For Young Men Only, a book to teach young men about relationships and what young women really think, feel and desire in a mate. The authors had previously written books for men, women, and young women. NOW, a box set is available, For Couples Only, containing For Men Only and For Women Only. These books are fabulous. The authors have conducted a scientific study to reveal the secret mind and heart of the opposite sex. It's impossible to read the book about your own sex without nodding your head and exclaiming, "Yes! Why can't my spouse understand this?" Just as it's equally impossible to read the book about the opposite sex without saying a million times, "Really? Is this really how they feel? How could I not know this?! Now their behavior makes so much more sense to me!" This book set is an excellent tool for one or both members of a couple to understand each other and improve their relationship and communication. Ladies, you'll even find out why men won't ask for directions . . . yes, there really is a reason and it makes sense, too. This book will definitely improve your relationship, communication and understanding of the opposite sex, and help you articulate to your significant other how you feel and why!

For Couples Only is available here at www.amazon.com and other booksellers. Below is the summary from the publisher:

Summary: Since their debut, these revolutionary guides have sold well over a million copies, been translated into fifteen languages, and sparked much fascinating water-cooler conversation around the country. Now together in the For Couples Only boxed set, these books provide the perfect resource to help you understand what you never knew about the woman or man in your life.

Each volume is based on input from more than a thousand members of the opposite sex—including an unprecedented nationwide survey and hundreds of personal interviews. This innovative approach yields candid and surprising answers about everything you don’t “get” about your significant other—even what that person deeply wishes you knew. It also produces simple but groundbreaking awareness of how you can best love and support the one who is most important to you.

So whether you are newly dating or have been married fifty years, get ready to know each other in a whole new way. The adventure is just beginning!

Cheryl & Jeff Scruggs share their story of marital restoration following an affair in their book, I Do Again. Cheryl and Jeff seemed to have the perfect marriage; “Ken and Barbie” is how they were described by friends. But their marriage was superficial and for a lot of complex emotional reasons, Cheryl had an affair. After ten years of marriage, they got divorced. Then they each became Christians and Cheryl became convinced the Lord told her to pursue reconciliation. Jeff did not hear the same message until years later, and seven years after their divorce, they remarried much to the delight of their twin daughters.

I Do Again is, of course, a book about building a God-centered marriage and the restoration, healing and forgiveness that can only be possible with God’s supernatural power. But it is so much more than a book about marriage. It is a book about spiritual maturity – both Cheryl and Jeff needed to develop into mature Christ followers before they could even consider being the type of spouses God intended them to be. It is a book about how we truly become new creations – completely new people – when we build a relationship with Jesus. . . and it is a book about how this transformation is not magical, easy, or something that happens overnight. Such transformation only occurs through the diligent pursuit of a daily relationship with the Master, learning and re-learning God’s lessons, and obedience to His will, not our own.

Finally, I Do Again is a book about pursuing the promises of God, even when you are weary, even when you have no worldly confirmation, even when you have no evidence God is working; in fact, sometimes we have evidence that seems contrary to what God has promised. Cheryl Scruggs’ perseverance (with falls, missteps, and sometimes backwards progress) for SEVEN YEARS really spoke to me. It encouraged me to keep waiting for God to be God and do what He promised, in His way and on His timetable in my own life.

Below is a summary from the publisher. I Do Again is available here at www.amazon.com and other booksellers.

Summary: With their professional success and adorable twin daughters, Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs looked like the perfect couple. But their polished facade concealed a widening chasm between two people unable to connect on an intimate, soul-deep level.

After years of frustration, Cheryl’s desire for emotional fulfillment led to an affair and, finally, divorce. Yet, incredibly, seven years later, Jeff and Cheryl once again stood at the altar, promising to “love, honor, and cherish” one another. A new and vibrant love had risen out of the ashes of this family’s pain.

I Do Again details the fascinating real-life story of a couple whose relationship seemed shattered beyond all hope until a spiritual awakening led them to reconsider their definitions of “happily ever after.” A riveting account of the power of prayer and redemption, this remarkable book offers renewed hope for even the most troubled marriages—and reveals why the rewards of restoration are well worth the wait.

Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages now has a book entitled, Love as a Way of Life Devotional. This book is a 90 day devotional which seeks to show God's love for us and encourages us to love others as God loves us. Human beings are selfish, self-centered, inwardly-focused creatures. It is impossible for us to truly love unconditionally and unselfishly because it's not in our nature to do so. Only by accepting and understanding God's love, and with His divine help, can we then love others, truly love them, as God intended. This devotional will demonstrate how to love and will movtivate your prayer life and spiritual growth to enable you to love others with God's perfect love. It's a companion to the book, Love as a Way of Life, which I will definitely be buying and reading as well!

This book is available here at www.amazon.com and other booksellers. Below is a summary from the publishers:

Summary: In his book Love As a Way of Life, best-selling author Gary Chapman shows readers how to cultivate a new lifestyle built around the seven characteristics of authentic love. Now in a companion devotional, he provides ninety inspirational readings to help Christians consistently live out the characteristics of love in every relationship.

Each devotional entry showcases biblical truths that guide a life of love, offering fresh insight and practical guidance in how to make love a lasting habit. Over the course of three months, readers will learn to follow God’s lead as they practice the characteristics of a loving person: kindness, patience, forgiveness, courtesy, humility, generosity, and honesty.

The Love As a Way of Life Devotional makes an ideal gift for the holidays or for any special occasion. Couples, parents, new graduates, and anyone celebrating a milestone in life will welcome this inspiring daily guide to richer, more satisfying relationships.