The Little Things

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone! I've been thinking of all the reasons I have to be grateful. This 15 minute exercise turned into several hours. Of course, I'm thankful for friends, family, health, finances, pets, a job . . . but then I started thinking of the little things. When was the last time you realized you were grateful for fluoride and dental floss? Kleenex? Sunshine? Clean water? Access to competant medical care? Tylenol? Good books to read and the libraries that loan them for free? Gasoline? Freedom of speech? Not being hungry, shoeless or homeless? When is the last time you were grateful for life itself?

Got Peace?

Bill Porter wrote a book entitled Road to Heaven concerning his search for Taoist and Buddhist hermits in the Chungnan mountains in China in 1989. In this book, Porter remembers a Chinese saying, “The small hermit lives on a mountain. The great hermit lives in a town.”

Recently I was listening to a teaching series by Graham Cooke and he was talking about finding peace in God. He said retreating into the quiet place with God is a skill learned through discipline. He further said no matter what his circumstances or where he is, he can become peaceful in under 5 seconds.

I struggle to find perfect peace, what the Bible refers to as “shalom shalom” in the most ideal circumstances!

Porter goes on to recall a conversation with a monk. The monk was asked, “Is it a good place because it’s quiet?” and the monk replied, “If people are quiet, they can be quiet anywhere.”

I also recall a book (Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbers) where the author was discussing her time in Indonesia. She said mothers of young children would take their kids to the doctor (a type of medicine man) if the kids were too hyperactive. She said by American standards, these “hyperactive” kids were practically comatose because they would sit quietly with their mothers for hours waiting to be seen. But the locals thought the inability to sit and be quiet was sign of a serious illness and disorder – to be honest, I agree.

So I pursue peace . . . peace in God, the ability to be quiet, to rest, to listen. I don’t always succeed, but I try.

REMEMBER: I have one copy of White Picket Fences by Susan Meissner I'm giving away tomorrow. To enter the random drawing, send your mailing address to seewhykinsman@gmail.com. The winner will be drawn tomorrow, Friday, November 13th. Good luck.

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

I can say, honestly and gleefully, "My husband is NOT the man I married!"

Today he called to say, "Hey! I got off work early today and just went to the bank. Now I'm going home to mow the lawn, but there's a big Red Cross trailer parked next to the bank. Do you want me to go donate blood?"

Of course, I said, "Yes! Absolutely!"

So he donated blood today for the first time. Spontaneously. Out of the blue. Just because it's the right thing to do.

He's been doing a lot of that lately. He's becoming quite the spokesperson for environmentalism and animal rights. He's donating to charity. He's giving blood.

I not only love the man my husband is becoming, I really LIKE him, too!

Feeling Frenzied? Stressed? Overwhelmed?

I feel like someone turned a blender on in my chest and I'm so overwhelmed I don't know where to run first (quite frankly, I just want to crawl back into bed and hide). So when I ran across the prayer below in Joanna Weaver's book, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, I knew I had to share it.

And for those of you who are wondering, although the book is excellent, I still look like Martha on steroids and look little or nothing like Mary!

The Lord Is My Pace Setter

The Lord is my pace setter. I shall not rush
He makes me stop for quiet intervals
He provides me with images of stillness which restore my serenity
He leads me in the way of efficiency through calmness of mind and his guidance is peace
Even though I have a great many things to accomplish each day, I will not fret, for his presence is here
His timelessness, his all importance will keep me in balance
He prepares refreshment and renewal in the midst of my activity by anointing my mind with his oils of tranquility
My cup of joyous energy overflows
Truly harmony and effectiveness shall be the fruits of my hours for I shall walk in the pace of my Lord and dwell in his house forever.
(A version of the Twenty-third Psalm from Japan)

For Rent

English is not my husband's first language. But you'd barely notice if you spoke to him. In fact, one day we were watching a movie and he used the word, necrophelia, which caused me to think, "How long would I have to live in a foreign country before I knew how to say, 'sex with dead people' in that language?!"

Anyway, because English is my husband's second language, he has a great way of wording things. He uses his vocabulary to paint incredible word pictures.

Last night, we were discussing something upsetting. As I was just winding up into full "rant" mode, my husband stopped me cold by saying, "That takes too much energy. I just won't let it rent space in my brain."

How many things to we let rent space in our brains, sucking the energy and joy right out of us? How many of those things need to be evicted?!

Perspective Leads to Gratefulness

Recently I read a quote by pastor and author, Craig Groeschel, that really resonated with me.

Some moms choose what to feed their children. Some moms have to choose which children to feed.

It's impossible to be grateful and angry at the same time. And often times, gratefulness depends on our perspective. Do we whine because we HAVE to go to work or are we grateful we have a job? Do we complain about paying our bills, or are we grateful to have the money to pay them? Are we upset because we have to take care of the kids or we are grateful we have children to care for? Are we angry we are getting older and less able to do things or are we grateful for all we can do in our good health? Do we mourn our gray hair and wrinkles or are we grateful for the wisdom we've earned over the years? Are we irritated by traffic or are we grateful for a vehicle.

Do we see our lives in terms of what we HAVE to do or do we see our lives in terms of what we GET to do or CHOOSE to do?

Buy More . . . Stress!

It's a fact that the more stuff we have, the more stress we experience. Our possessions own us instead of the other way around. In addition to stressing ourselves, the "buy buy buy" bug kills the environment -- placing undue stress on the earth from cradle to grave -- resources to make the items, resources to maintain the items, and landfills to dispose of items. On April Fool's Day, it seems we are all fools, some more than others!

I recently read about a PBS television show called Affluenza, a show about the "modern-day plague of materialism." Following are some scary statistics from the show:

Americans shop six hours a week while spending only forty minutes playing with their children.

By age 20, we've seen 1 million commercials.

Recently, more Americans declared bankruptcy than graduated from college.

To read more about the show, click here: http://www.pbs.org/kcts/affluenza/


REMINDER: I have a copy of Clutter-Free Christianity by Robert Jeffress to give away to my readers! To enter the random drawing, just e-mail your name and address to me at http://seewhykinsman@gmail.com. Winners will be drawn on Friday, April 3, 2009. Good luck!

Happy Birthday to Me

I just had the most amazing surprise -- an impromptu birthday lunch! Every Wednesday I have lunch at a Mexican restaurant with a friend of mine who is a pastor. Almost every Wednesday my husband calls during our lunch. Almost every week I "ignore" the call and he usually leaves the voicemail, "I just realized you're probably at lunch . . ."

Today he called twice; the second time I turned the ringer off. A few minutes later my friend's phone rings -- my husband is calling her. "Hello?" she says laughing after she shows me the caller ID. "Well, at least you answer your phone; my wife won't." He told her to have me place his order and he would be there in a few minutes. Two minutes later, another really good friend calls her, "Can I join you two for lunch?" So, we had a foursome -- some of my very favorite people in the world. We had more fun and laughs at this impromptu get-together than I usually do at parties I plan weeks in advance. It just goes to show, it doesn't take a lot of money or time or effort to make someone feel loved.

I am a very lucky woman. Happy birthday to me.

Eat S.L.O.W.ly

What do you think of when you imagine "dinner in France" or "lunch in Italy"? Do you think of cafes populated with diners lingering over coffee and dessert? Do you think of meals that extend three hours as the patrons talk and laugh and savor their food? Now what comes to mind when you picture lunch time in America? People scarfing down fast food in their cars?

Your mother told you to eat slowly and now there's even more reason to do so. Slow Food is a movement which began in Italy in 1989 to "counteract fast food and fast life, the disappearance of local food traditions and people’s dwindling interest in the food they eat, where it comes from, how it tastes and how our food choices affect the rest of the world." Slow Food employs a handy acronym to help you focus on your food choices:

S - Seasonal
L - Local
O - Organic
W - Whole

The Slow Food website is chock full of great information. Visit it here: http://slowfood.com/

Reminder: To enter the giveaway for a free copy of A Day with a Perfect Stranger, by David Gregory, please e-mail me at seewhykinsman@gmail.com. Winners will be drawn Sunday, March 8th.

Love is in the Air

Love is in the air! I have three books to review today and have one copy of each to give away. To enter the drawing to win, please e-mail your name and mailing address to seewhykinsman@gmail.com. Please specify the book you would like to win. Of course, you can request your name be placed in the drawing to win one, two or all three of the books. If you tell me your favorite trait about your spouse, I will enter your name twice in the drawing(s) you request to increase your chances of winning. Also, check back tomorrow for ANOTHER book review and giveaway! All winners will be drawn on Friday, February 13th! Good luck!


My longtime readers may recall last summer I reviewed For Young Men Only, a book to teach young men about relationships and what young women really think, feel and desire in a mate. The authors had previously written books for men, women, and young women. NOW, a box set is available, For Couples Only, containing For Men Only and For Women Only. These books are fabulous. The authors have conducted a scientific study to reveal the secret mind and heart of the opposite sex. It's impossible to read the book about your own sex without nodding your head and exclaiming, "Yes! Why can't my spouse understand this?" Just as it's equally impossible to read the book about the opposite sex without saying a million times, "Really? Is this really how they feel? How could I not know this?! Now their behavior makes so much more sense to me!" This book set is an excellent tool for one or both members of a couple to understand each other and improve their relationship and communication. Ladies, you'll even find out why men won't ask for directions . . . yes, there really is a reason and it makes sense, too. This book will definitely improve your relationship, communication and understanding of the opposite sex, and help you articulate to your significant other how you feel and why!

For Couples Only is available here at www.amazon.com and other booksellers. Below is the summary from the publisher:

Summary: Since their debut, these revolutionary guides have sold well over a million copies, been translated into fifteen languages, and sparked much fascinating water-cooler conversation around the country. Now together in the For Couples Only boxed set, these books provide the perfect resource to help you understand what you never knew about the woman or man in your life.

Each volume is based on input from more than a thousand members of the opposite sex—including an unprecedented nationwide survey and hundreds of personal interviews. This innovative approach yields candid and surprising answers about everything you don’t “get” about your significant other—even what that person deeply wishes you knew. It also produces simple but groundbreaking awareness of how you can best love and support the one who is most important to you.

So whether you are newly dating or have been married fifty years, get ready to know each other in a whole new way. The adventure is just beginning!

Cheryl & Jeff Scruggs share their story of marital restoration following an affair in their book, I Do Again. Cheryl and Jeff seemed to have the perfect marriage; “Ken and Barbie” is how they were described by friends. But their marriage was superficial and for a lot of complex emotional reasons, Cheryl had an affair. After ten years of marriage, they got divorced. Then they each became Christians and Cheryl became convinced the Lord told her to pursue reconciliation. Jeff did not hear the same message until years later, and seven years after their divorce, they remarried much to the delight of their twin daughters.

I Do Again is, of course, a book about building a God-centered marriage and the restoration, healing and forgiveness that can only be possible with God’s supernatural power. But it is so much more than a book about marriage. It is a book about spiritual maturity – both Cheryl and Jeff needed to develop into mature Christ followers before they could even consider being the type of spouses God intended them to be. It is a book about how we truly become new creations – completely new people – when we build a relationship with Jesus. . . and it is a book about how this transformation is not magical, easy, or something that happens overnight. Such transformation only occurs through the diligent pursuit of a daily relationship with the Master, learning and re-learning God’s lessons, and obedience to His will, not our own.

Finally, I Do Again is a book about pursuing the promises of God, even when you are weary, even when you have no worldly confirmation, even when you have no evidence God is working; in fact, sometimes we have evidence that seems contrary to what God has promised. Cheryl Scruggs’ perseverance (with falls, missteps, and sometimes backwards progress) for SEVEN YEARS really spoke to me. It encouraged me to keep waiting for God to be God and do what He promised, in His way and on His timetable in my own life.

Below is a summary from the publisher. I Do Again is available here at www.amazon.com and other booksellers.

Summary: With their professional success and adorable twin daughters, Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs looked like the perfect couple. But their polished facade concealed a widening chasm between two people unable to connect on an intimate, soul-deep level.

After years of frustration, Cheryl’s desire for emotional fulfillment led to an affair and, finally, divorce. Yet, incredibly, seven years later, Jeff and Cheryl once again stood at the altar, promising to “love, honor, and cherish” one another. A new and vibrant love had risen out of the ashes of this family’s pain.

I Do Again details the fascinating real-life story of a couple whose relationship seemed shattered beyond all hope until a spiritual awakening led them to reconsider their definitions of “happily ever after.” A riveting account of the power of prayer and redemption, this remarkable book offers renewed hope for even the most troubled marriages—and reveals why the rewards of restoration are well worth the wait.

Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages now has a book entitled, Love as a Way of Life Devotional. This book is a 90 day devotional which seeks to show God's love for us and encourages us to love others as God loves us. Human beings are selfish, self-centered, inwardly-focused creatures. It is impossible for us to truly love unconditionally and unselfishly because it's not in our nature to do so. Only by accepting and understanding God's love, and with His divine help, can we then love others, truly love them, as God intended. This devotional will demonstrate how to love and will movtivate your prayer life and spiritual growth to enable you to love others with God's perfect love. It's a companion to the book, Love as a Way of Life, which I will definitely be buying and reading as well!

This book is available here at www.amazon.com and other booksellers. Below is a summary from the publishers:

Summary: In his book Love As a Way of Life, best-selling author Gary Chapman shows readers how to cultivate a new lifestyle built around the seven characteristics of authentic love. Now in a companion devotional, he provides ninety inspirational readings to help Christians consistently live out the characteristics of love in every relationship.

Each devotional entry showcases biblical truths that guide a life of love, offering fresh insight and practical guidance in how to make love a lasting habit. Over the course of three months, readers will learn to follow God’s lead as they practice the characteristics of a loving person: kindness, patience, forgiveness, courtesy, humility, generosity, and honesty.

The Love As a Way of Life Devotional makes an ideal gift for the holidays or for any special occasion. Couples, parents, new graduates, and anyone celebrating a milestone in life will welcome this inspiring daily guide to richer, more satisfying relationships.

Valentine's Day -- What's Love Got to Do With It?

Next week is Valentine’s Day. I’m not a fan.

What matters to me is how my husband treats me 365 days a year.

I would rather have a husband who vaccuums without complaint, not one who brings home a dozen roses.

I would rather have a husband who scratches my back anytime I want and for as long as I need it, not one who brings me chocolates.

I would rather have a husband who invites me for lunch on a random Tuesday just because he misses me, not one who “must” spring for a fancy dinner “because it’s Valentine’s Day.”

Come to think of it, I would rather have a husband who will go out for Mexican again even though he wants steak, “because I want you to be able to find something to eat so you can enjoy your meal, too.” (Mexican can be very vegan friendly versus the paltry offerings at most steak houses!)

I look at young couples who are “so much in love” when they get married. Then they hit their first rocky patch or have their first major fight, and they’re so shocked. They figure they must have made a mistake and start looking for a way out of the marriage. Ha! We didn't have any unrealistic attitudes about marriage. No "romantic" thoughts of it at all. In fact, one of the things I told my husband on our first date is, “You seem like someone I can fight with.” And we do fight sometimes. But I never have to worry that we’re skidding on the rocks. I don’t have to worry that he’ll leave because it’s difficult . . . because I’M difficult. I don’t have to worry he doesn’t love me, just because he may not like me right then. Because one of the first things my husband told me when we were dating is, “Marriage is hard. It’s not perfect. You take the bad with the good – and a lot of times there’s more bad than good. Marriage is a lot of work. Anything worthwhile is hard work.” And the best part is, even when we’re in the middle of a fight, if he speaks to a family member or friend, he’ll tell them I’m “wonderful” because he doesn’t want them thinking badly of me. One time he said to me, “I’m so happy we’re married, even when I’m angry enough to kill you.” A sense of humor makes all the difference in the world!

The grand gestures a couple of times a year don’t really matter. What matters are the small, every day gestures. Last night is a perfect case in point. My husband works very, very hard and he’s TIRED. He sleeps soundly at night and is almost “stumbling drunk” when awakened in the middle of the night. Last night I happened to be awake when he woke up to go to the bathroom about 3:00 a.m. As he crossed the bedroom, he encountered one of our Persians. I heard him say, “Hi Anna” and he bent down to pet her before continuing on to the bathroom. If you want to know the heart of a man, spy on him in the middle of the night when he’s tired and doesn’t know you’re watching!

So you can keep Valentine’s Day. We’ll just treat it like any other day.

BUT, in honor of Valentine’s Day, next week I will have a number of books to review and give away concerning relationships. So make sure you check in to read about them and enter to win!

Also, remember to head over to reducefootprints.blogspot.com today where I am the “guest chef”. Check the reduce footrpints blog often for helpful, entertaining, informative tips about how to walk softly on this fragile earth and leave only light footprints behind!

You Do Not Have Because You Do Not Ask

I mentioned yesterday I was feeling lost and forlorn, but that I had a "glimmer" of hope and motivation when I awoke yesterday. I must admit I had a little voice inside me saying, "God, is that you?" and my big, booming psyche saying, "Probably not."

Imagine my surprise when I awoke (or was awakened) early again this morning and, try as I might, was unable to go back to sleep. The feelings of hope and motivation burned a tiny bit brighter. So, again, I got some exercise, spent some time praying and am beginning to wonder if this hopeless-for-so-long feeling might not lift after all.

You do not have because you do not ask. Yep, that would be me!

2009 Resolutions

I hope the New Year finds my readers healthy, happy and progressing merrily on keeping their resolutions. Check out www.43things.com. It’s a site where you can post your resolutions and get encouragement from other readers.

I promised I would let you in on my “areas for change”. I didn’t actually make “resolutions” and haven’t attempted any improvements, so I guess at this point, I’d call them “hopeful intentions for future change”.

One is physical, one is emotional and one is spiritual.

The physical change is, not surprising, to eat healthier and get back into an exercise routine. I thought when I became a vegan it would be difficult to keep eating junk food and abusing my body. Not so! The abusive foods are different, but it’s still quite easy to be malnourished as a vegan! At least I’m only hurting myself and not the beautiful four legged creatures in the world who deserve so much better than they get.

The spiritual change I need to make is to rededicate my time to prayer. I have been feeling forsaken and alone lately. This is not surprising since my prayer life has been all but nonexistent. God never goes anywhere. We humans, on the other hand, move close to Him and far away depending on our moods, discipline and circumstances. I have walked away and then wonder why He doesn’t care. How screwed up is that?!

The emotional change I need is to shake this feeling of depression and despair. To be honest, I could easily sleep 18 hours a day just so I wouldn’t have to face life. There are real reasons for this — none of which I can change — so I have no choice but to change my reactions to my circumstances. This is really all any of us can do in most instances anyway!

I realize all three areas for change are interconnected. Research shows that exercise is as effective at treating depression as medications and I know if I spent more time talking with God, my funk would lift as well. I also realize that I need God’s help to make physical and emotional changes which is an incentive to work on the spiritual changes I need to make. I know if I were eating healthier and exercising more, I wouldn’t be so tired when it comes to praying.

Now, what I don’t know is what it will take for me to get beyond the knowledge of what needs to be done and actually make a commitment to DO IT. I can’t seem to psych myself up to break out of a paper bag and I know I need a lot more “oomph” to make these changes. Although I desire the results such changes would bring, I honestly don’t care enough to lift a finger to change any of it. But I’m not content by any means, so accepting the status quo isn’t a workable solution either.

If anyone knows of a motivational technique to shake me out of my apathy, I’d be grateful to hear it. By the way, I did wake up this morning with the tiniest bit of hope and motivation. I got a little exercise and re-introduced myself to God. Hopefully one baby step will build on another.